Well, this should be interesting. Olivia asked me this month to comment on what success means to me. Given my career in supporting people who could easily be described as successful, I should have some perspective on this. We develop close relationships with our clients, so we get to see what people prioritize, the decisions they make, and how it impacts their lives. Before offering my own perspective, however, it might be worth talking more broadly on this topic because I feel it is desperately needed. I’m no expert on this subject, but many people seem to be looking at success all wrong.

Let me start out by saying that despite some common features, everyone is going to define success differently and I think that’s great. Timing can be different too. Some people have a clear vision of what success looks like early in life, while others need time to discover it or correct their course if they went down a dead end. Regardless, a good place to start is by asking yourself, what is it that you want out of life and why? I would also suggest that you look past the more superficial things like having a lot of money, owning things, or increasing your status. Dig deep into some honest self-reflection and ask if you are pursuing something because it nourishes you, or are you pursuing something because others seem to value it?

All the studies seem to point to the fact that money and status do not make you happy, but many people define success exclusively through these two factors. Maximum happiness seems to be achieved when a certain level of financial security is reached, but beyond that it generally doesn’t increase. What concerns me is that much of the social media and advertising we consume seems to prioritize these things. For many, this can easily become a distraction and send people down the wrong path. This is not to say that building wealth or becoming an important person is inherently bad. It’s just that there are other ways to measure success. Here are some ideas that speak to me:

• Living life on your own terms with a certain level of autonomy and independence.
• Discovering who you are and becoming the best version of yourself.
• Accomplishing passion goals like fitness, hobbies, education, and travel.
• Developing personal confidence and being comfortable in your own skin.
• Building a career that motivates and fulfills you in some way.
• Being respected by your peers and family.
• Achieving a healthy balance of goals and having downtime to relax and appreciate it.
• Being the best (not perfect) parents, coaches, friends, or mentors we can be.
• Developing enough financial security to be comfortable.
• Giving back in some way either financially or through volunteering.

They say life begins at the edge of our comfort zone and this is something I strongly believe in. It takes courage to challenge yourself personally and professionally, but if you have ever done this, you also understand the sense of accomplishment and pride that comes with it. This does not have to be a big thing and only you can define this.

I coached Pole Vault for many years and my favorite experiences were not when the best athletes I coached won the awards. Instead, it was the lesser athletes who pushed themselves, put in the extra effort, and then surprised themselves with something they never thought they could achieve. That’s success.

I was in the public speaking group “Toastmasters” for many years and my favorite experience was watching people reluctantly join the group but seeing them gain huge confidence and new life skills after saying they could never be as good as others. That’s success.

I wish more people had the confidence to walk their own path. Who is to say what success means and why should anyone else get to determine this. Maybe it is you who is the best judge of this and how to measure it. Lots of people do this well, but sadly many don’t. Anxiety, stress, feelings of inadequacy, fear of public judgement, and lack of confidence are some of the things that hold people back, especially when we are trying to pursue someone else’s definition of success.

However you decide to define success, my only hope is that you do your very best to achieve it. I think the worst thing that can happen is that we spend our lives only dreaming about what we want instead of making it happen. Success should be hard to achieve in someways. It should challenge us in a way that helps us to grow. I don’t think we can fully appreciate success unless there was a challenge to obtaining it.